'K' MY HANDSOME SOLDIERMy 28th wedding anniversary is coming up on Monday. It has been an amazing paring.
We still hold hands.
Our story.......
During a break up with my fiance in 1979, acquaintenances set up a blind date between K and me 'as a joke.' They thought it would be amusing to see a 'worldly' 31-year-old divorcee and a shy 18-year-old army reservist together.
I was shocked when I got to the dance and realized how young my date was. I went with the flow not wishing to hurt his feelings. I had a fantastic time with this handsome man but I did not plan on a follow up date. My fiance and I were patching up our broken relationship and were tentatively setting our wedding date for December. I never thought in a million years K would want a follow up date either.
A month or so after the 'date', K phoned me and asked if he could board with me. It would help me with the mortgage and he would be there at night for my daughter when I was working shift work at the hospital. He needed an address in my City to get a full time call out with the army.
My fiance and I discussed it and it seemed like a good solution. My husband-to-be "P" was attractive, self confident, conceited and had not one bit of jealousy toward K.
K became part of my immediate family, I met his friends and family. He was a great tennant.
As my wedding date approached K became more alarmed at my relationship with my fiance - P was a flirt and went off on frequent skiing vacations with the 'boys'; he was financially irresponsible, had unstable jobs and likely drank too much. We were attending pre-marriage counselling classes and week by week the counsellor and I were becoming similarly alarmed.
It was an easy decision to break up with this man really. I had two failed marriages from following my heart and not my head. Rather than string him along, I told him I could never marry him and broke off our engagement. K was wiser than his years. He was right, the marriage would never have survived the first year.
Over the next year, K professed his love for me. I was on the rebound and I adored him but the math sure scared me. When I am 50 he will be 37 -when I am 70 he will be 57 etc. After two years the barriers finally wore down. He is the most incredible man - devoted, kind, caring, gentle and loving. His only flaw is his age. I struggled with it. My parents disowned me for many years and would not speak to me for even contemplating a relationship. His parents were more worried about me than him. They stated they did not want me ending up having to support 'two kids' as their son had not yet decided on a post secondary education.
The other flaw in the potential marriage was that I could no longer have children - what a sacrifice for a 20-year-old. It would be doubtful that any adoption agency would help us with our age discrepancy problem. So he would have to accept a life with no children of his own. And he would be dealing with a daughter about to enter the 'terrible teen' years as well.
But, I did fall madly in love with him. Along with the love, I felt a healthy dose of guilt and worry about the 'what ifs' of our age difference. I did not want to be a 'mother figure.' Apparently I was never that. Due to my good genes and fairly clean lifestyle, I did not look my age. I am no "Demi Moore" but I have faired ok.
On a night shift when I was lamenting the torture of my decision a colleague said "Even if the marriage only lasts 10 years, that is more than you got out of your other marriages. Do you love him? My answer was " Yes." From a purely selfish perspective her statement was true. But what about him?
There was no talking him out of loving me. In the back of mind, I made it a promise that I would ask him every year on our anniversary if he wanted to change his mind - should he realize his terrible mistake and want someone his own age or should he want to have his own children. I am not asking this year. I realize I can no longer give him up without a fight.
He has stuck with me through all kinds of crises and vice versa. He loved me when I have been obese or sick or fit and healthy; when I was contributing to income and when I was not.
I came to love his family and friends as my own. My mother reluctantly accepted him to rekindle her relationship with me but was never warm and fuzzy toward him which he stocially endured. She has since passed away as have both his parents. My remaining parent, my step father adores him.
It is amusing that I put up with years of waiting for him and our friends to get through their party years - while they stayed up till 6 am I would pack it in before midnight and now it is often reversed - in their late 40s they want to go to bed fairly early and I generally want to stay up later. We old people don't need as much sleep.
The most recent challenge is retirement. I could feasibly retire in the near future, but I have enough health and energy for two people. I have always had a professional career. I concluded if I work longer he could retire earlier. All retirement would mean for me is quitting my current job and putting my energy into my own business. I doubt I would ever stop productive employment regardless of the age of my husband.
Has it been easy? Of course not. Every marriage has its ups and downs. I cannot lie that at times I want everything I have now but have wished that K was older. But each year the 'what ifs' lessened and eventually disappeared.
Here's to the sweetest, most considerate, loving and gorgeous man anywhere!
Happy Anniversary to the Love of My Life - My lover, my partner, my friend....
p.s. I REMEMBERED THE DATE :)
During a break up with my fiance in 1979, acquaintenances set up a blind date between K and me 'as a joke.' They thought it would be amusing to see a 'worldly' 31-year-old divorcee and a shy 18-year-old army reservist together.
I was shocked when I got to the dance and realized how young my date was. I went with the flow not wishing to hurt his feelings. I had a fantastic time with this handsome man but I did not plan on a follow up date. My fiance and I were patching up our broken relationship and were tentatively setting our wedding date for December. I never thought in a million years K would want a follow up date either.
A month or so after the 'date', K phoned me and asked if he could board with me. It would help me with the mortgage and he would be there at night for my daughter when I was working shift work at the hospital. He needed an address in my City to get a full time call out with the army.
My fiance and I discussed it and it seemed like a good solution. My husband-to-be "P" was attractive, self confident, conceited and had not one bit of jealousy toward K.
K became part of my immediate family, I met his friends and family. He was a great tennant.
As my wedding date approached K became more alarmed at my relationship with my fiance - P was a flirt and went off on frequent skiing vacations with the 'boys'; he was financially irresponsible, had unstable jobs and likely drank too much. We were attending pre-marriage counselling classes and week by week the counsellor and I were becoming similarly alarmed.
It was an easy decision to break up with this man really. I had two failed marriages from following my heart and not my head. Rather than string him along, I told him I could never marry him and broke off our engagement. K was wiser than his years. He was right, the marriage would never have survived the first year.
Over the next year, K professed his love for me. I was on the rebound and I adored him but the math sure scared me. When I am 50 he will be 37 -when I am 70 he will be 57 etc. After two years the barriers finally wore down. He is the most incredible man - devoted, kind, caring, gentle and loving. His only flaw is his age. I struggled with it. My parents disowned me for many years and would not speak to me for even contemplating a relationship. His parents were more worried about me than him. They stated they did not want me ending up having to support 'two kids' as their son had not yet decided on a post secondary education.
The other flaw in the potential marriage was that I could no longer have children - what a sacrifice for a 20-year-old. It would be doubtful that any adoption agency would help us with our age discrepancy problem. So he would have to accept a life with no children of his own. And he would be dealing with a daughter about to enter the 'terrible teen' years as well.
But, I did fall madly in love with him. Along with the love, I felt a healthy dose of guilt and worry about the 'what ifs' of our age difference. I did not want to be a 'mother figure.' Apparently I was never that. Due to my good genes and fairly clean lifestyle, I did not look my age. I am no "Demi Moore" but I have faired ok.
On a night shift when I was lamenting the torture of my decision a colleague said "Even if the marriage only lasts 10 years, that is more than you got out of your other marriages. Do you love him? My answer was " Yes." From a purely selfish perspective her statement was true. But what about him?
There was no talking him out of loving me. In the back of mind, I made it a promise that I would ask him every year on our anniversary if he wanted to change his mind - should he realize his terrible mistake and want someone his own age or should he want to have his own children. I am not asking this year. I realize I can no longer give him up without a fight.
He has stuck with me through all kinds of crises and vice versa. He loved me when I have been obese or sick or fit and healthy; when I was contributing to income and when I was not.
I came to love his family and friends as my own. My mother reluctantly accepted him to rekindle her relationship with me but was never warm and fuzzy toward him which he stocially endured. She has since passed away as have both his parents. My remaining parent, my step father adores him.
It is amusing that I put up with years of waiting for him and our friends to get through their party years - while they stayed up till 6 am I would pack it in before midnight and now it is often reversed - in their late 40s they want to go to bed fairly early and I generally want to stay up later. We old people don't need as much sleep.
The most recent challenge is retirement. I could feasibly retire in the near future, but I have enough health and energy for two people. I have always had a professional career. I concluded if I work longer he could retire earlier. All retirement would mean for me is quitting my current job and putting my energy into my own business. I doubt I would ever stop productive employment regardless of the age of my husband.
Has it been easy? Of course not. Every marriage has its ups and downs. I cannot lie that at times I want everything I have now but have wished that K was older. But each year the 'what ifs' lessened and eventually disappeared.
Here's to the sweetest, most considerate, loving and gorgeous man anywhere!
Happy Anniversary to the Love of My Life - My lover, my partner, my friend....
p.s. I REMEMBERED THE DATE :)
Holy hell, what an awesome picture of my fave uncle! So glad you guys have stood the test of time--so few do these days. Congrats on your anniversary and I hope ther's another 30 more coming.
ReplyDeleteLove,
K xo :)
Sigh. Not hard to figure out how I fell for him. He is still my heart throb.
ReplyDeleteAnother 30 years? I'll be.....well...old or worse....or maybe still body building, if I don't fracture a hip - who knows!